27,
M5P 2P8
November 29, 2007
Mr. Dave Budden
Director of Admissions
M2L 1A2
Dear Mr. Budden,
Sterling Hall was an amazing school for me, bringing me places I never thought I could go with intelligence. I am very proud of my school and enjoy everything about it; but unfortunately, I’m graduating as a grade 8 student. I arrived at SHS in grade 5 and have loved it ever since. I have contributed well to my school, and in my last year I have been named Athletics Captain. I have met you already when I went in to write the SSAT a little while ago, and I am planning on coming in soon for an interview. Crescent is my first choice school and I’m applying for grade 9. I am well suited to attend your school because I will contribute to many classes, teams, and clubs, and am motivated to strive for excellence by your amazing, unique environment.
I am a bright, intelligent young man, who is dedicated and committed to my school through hard work and participation in clubs, teams, and especially classes. When I participate in classes, I tend to learn more, and I get interested and excited by these subjects. I love to debate and argue, and am interested in joining a debating team of some sort. At my school I am on the U14 Basketball team and was on the U14 Volleyball team. Public speaking is also one of my strong features, and I love communicating my thoughts to others. Maybe I’ll be able to contribute that in some way.
There are so many reasons that I am anxious to attend your school. Crescent is unique from its curriculum of the arts all the way through technology. Crescent is the only school with such amazing facilities and overall working environment. I am extremely interested in the AP program, Duke of Edinburg and the outward bound trips that are integrated into the curriculum. I like to learn hands-on, and
Overall, I am an ambitious young student, striving for excellence, and I think that I would make a great contribution to The Crescent School because of my hard work, participation, and motivation. I am also looking forward to be attending a school with my older brother (Max, AKA Ben), who has become an amazing role model for me.
Yours Sincerely,
Zachary Gordon
1 comment:
Hey,
nice. add spaces between paragraphs and opening. space between opening locations and space between date. After dear mr. Budden, space. First para is good, but talk a little more about their school. Opening sentence should be a different one, a bit softer and makes the reader interested.
Para 2- start by telling about your A, instead of starting with the business right off the bat, and make the first sentence welcoming. you tend to learn more in classes than what? what subjects? what way can u contribute your public speaking? clubs? announcements? ...
para 3- have u met some of the amazing faculty? "I have met...." explain a bit about AP program. a bit more meat on para 3, and is this a good B?
Concl.- Great conclusion that tells everything that is needed. Maybe add a new point or two also.
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