Refreshing air in a rebellious canoe,
With teachings of life changes.
Rafts on our shoulders,
We march across the trail.
On the path you hear the screams,
Screams of that of harm.
We weep of mothers and fathers too,
Our shoulders red and bleeding.
Our faces sweaty and red from pain,
Until we clam and see our inner strength.
Nature becomes us as we live and sing,
And stab the blades into the water.
We laugh and play as we pierce the mud,
And cry when we attack the land.
When the sun falls we deeply sleep,
And repeat this life again.
Until the lessons to learn have been learned,
Then the pain may end.
1 comment:
very good
you should keep the line that says"
we march across the trail" connected to the line after it. It goes very well together.
On the eigth line it should be a period at the end of sing and you should start the new sentance by saying "we stab the water and so on"
the rest is very good but you should and it with an eclipse and then say your last line
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